remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im having a threesome with these popsicles
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
