im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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