UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
