I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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