meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just had sex on a roof
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
