i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
