You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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