we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this boner is exhausting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
