I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
