Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
