i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
