JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
