super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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