I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
