i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
