Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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