i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just pee around me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
