Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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