I can't watch pbs sober anymore
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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