never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
