DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
