He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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