last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
