So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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