I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
