just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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