I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
