I don't usually arrange sex via text message
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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