they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
