I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
