So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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