Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
