I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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