nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
