Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
