My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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