My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
