Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
