i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
