You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
