do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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