He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
