im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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