dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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