she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
