Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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