Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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