the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Welp...herpes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
