I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
