Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
