Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
