I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
