I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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